It's amazing how Someone has the power to put things like this in our world for us to see. Or how He can make things happen if only you pray. Things like healing the wounded and protecting the weak are unfathomable to me. He is unfathomable to me; how He can still do so much for us, as we sit here and pitty ourselves in our self loathing ways.


If I could make things up in my head it would go something like this:
My family and friends would be happy way before me. I would go out of my way to be the person that they want me to be. They would soak up the enthusiasm and brilliance that God has set up around them, realize they are blessed, and live in the moment. But unfortunately that's not the way it goes. Reality goes a little something like this:
My family and friends are put behind me. Or that's what I feel like. Sometimes I would like to think of myself as one of the most giving people I know, but I could be so much better. I guess this isn't about how bad I am, it's about how much better I can, and hope, to be!

Kaylee, I miss you so much. It's going to be such a fun summer with you, the camper, the ride, our swimsuits are our friendship. I've been waiting for this to happen since you moved to college, but I'm glad it's been this long. Now we can enjoy each others company even more than what we usually do. After work, call me. :)

I also miss being there for my mom. It's going to be a long & joyous summer with her next to me the whole time. She had a good mother's day, which makes me happy. She really, truly deserves it. I hope things work out for her sooner or later. But until then I will just sit here with the burdens in my clenched fist, ready to throw them as far as I possibly can when the time comes. When it's all said and done, I want to say that I was there for her, and she was there for me. Being a best friend is what I want her title to be, and so far, it's been that way. I don't think many things could change her status in my eyes. She's an honest blessing that sits patiently for her treasure to come. & I promise, Mom, that something great will come your way. Amen. :)

Dream.

Send your tearing sails to a sea that sinks deeper.
Divide your distorted attention for waves of simplicity and devine beauty.
Let the motions rock your eyes closed and free your nightly imagination.
Open eagerly to skies of a humbling blue and indulge in anothers kiss.
Set sail to the unkown and bring back memories and the true treasure:
Life.

Create yourself because you can't create others.

Better Days

School is winding down to virtually nothing so quickly. & I can say I've had a good run, an astonishing freshman year in college. Astonishing in more ways than one. Some good, and some bad. Studying for finals and such is breaking so many people down, but not me. I feel that if I push it aside, it will still get done. During Chi Alpha last week, a graduating senior told us about her praying to God about getting her through all of her finals and such. Her prayers were answered and she passed all her classes with A's and B's. So, moral of that story is that if I feel that I cannot take on something by myself, I should not be scared, I should just pray & ask God for help. :) I love Him.

Something else to talk about other than school...I'm moving home on Friday! Yippee! I miss my little brother and sister sooo much! And...my Dad too. Sometimes I just don't know how to act in some situations that my parents put me in, but I somehow manage. I would like to say that I'm 100% happy that home is calling my name, but I think I will miss Moorhead and the friends that I've made more than I think...if that makes sense. I will be up visiting a lot, just because I can. Ha. The next year of my life, I know, will have struggles. I'm living with 4 other girls for pete's sake. But I also know that it will be one of the best times in my life, & I can't wait for that.

Tonight, I went to a dance show presented at MSUM. It was so fun. I loved to watch the people move, with and without music. It was inspiring, halcyon, and overall just...joyful. It made me think about what other things I could be trying, but am not.

I hope everything goes smoothly the rest of this week. Between studying, writing papers, and studying more, I will need the time at home and away from everything.

It's a great feeling. I'm not sure what I'm talking about. But it's there. Something's inside me, blooming my happiness all over again. It might be summer. It might be knowing that I have great friends and family. It might be that I'm blessed with having a job this summer. It might be that I'm moving out of the dorms. I can't decide what it is, but I love it & never want it to go away.

As my eyes weigh down and my brain slowly turns off, I say goodbye. Sleep good. :)

It's time.

I can't wait to spend my whole summer somewhere I love so much. I can't wait to live with you, and I can't even begin thinking of the fun we'll have. The simple smell of rain or the feel of a thunderstorm sends adrenaline through my tired veins. The thought of relaxation fills my mind and leaves me hopeless, writing a paper. I can imagine the grains of sand stick to my bare feet after jumping in, the rush of feelings I get as I watch the sunset shiver in reflection off the water, the wind blowing my hair out of my face as I drive down the highway, the small town hospitality, and the family bonding.

There are not words to describe how I feel about the summers staring into the glittery sky, dipping my feet in the water as the fire flickers on the beach. It couldn't get any better, unless you tie in family. Our kite day should be a blast, and so should the 4th. Swimming, tubing, and gray smoke billowing from the grill. I can't wait. I can't wait to get to know my cousins all over again. I can't wait to just let loose and not care anymore.

School is dragging on, and everyone knows if we are stuck here much longer, we will all lose our sanity. No doubt I will miss my college life, but for three months I can spend my life the way I want. On the beach surrounded by people I can't live without. Having the time of our lives, my friends and I will sit there, with nothing to do. Nothing to worry about. And more importantly, nothing to stress over.

It's impossible to get these thoughts out of my head unless it happens.
It's pure joy, excitement, and love.
Summer cannot come soon enough.

What is happening?

"I make stacks."
Sitting here listening to his New York accent while he eats our popcorn, Thea and I are in the twilight zone. It seemed so fake, almost like a dream. Lamborghini's and million dollar homes? Buying oceans and cities? Receiving VIP and being surrounded by people "I don't even know."

I'm dropping out.
Not for real though.
Makes you think twice about what kind of people are in this world.
Creeps me out a bit.

"Aw, sweetheart, you can do better than that. I can make that in a month. I make 6 figures a month."

That's all for now.
Tomorrow I will write more.